That's American Apparel

I had originally intended to post all the pictures and captions that American Apparel gives us as examples and rules of how we should dress, look and act.  But I didn't for two reasons. 1. you all have probably heard all the bullshit that the employees have to put up with there anyway, you don't want to hear about it anymore.  2. I could get sued.  So here's this instead.

After 8 months working for the ultimate hipster company, I'm finally convinced that it doesn't make you cool.

Not that I started working there thinking I'd become one of the cool kids of Portland.  I started thinking I might eventually be one of the cool kids of Brooklyn. Hah.  No, but seriously.  American Apparel makes it seem like by joining their company you're joining some sort of elite group of better - than (but totally) hipsters, bound for new levels of coolness.  So even if you don't start working there for that reason, you can't help but think....only to discover, along with many other things, it's an absolute, and outrageous lie.

Yes, perhaps you meet a lot of people working there (because let's face it, all your friends; and friends of friends; and exes; and one-night stands; and the strippers that give you birthday lap dances; shop there).  But even after bumping into all of those people, making friends with one or two, maybe getting another lap dance, and getting the cheap thrills of an instant $150 allowance (which only gets you about 3 items, 2 of which they're skeptical about you wearing), working for American Apparel does not make you cool.

In fact, you run the risk of becoming UNcool.  After the fifth "family photo" they take of you and the rest of the staff, and after the third 18-year-old-baby-faced-Amazon-girl-from-corporate comes in and tells you that you can't wear boots and you need to change your hair, you'll find yourself complaining.  A lot.  These complaints start off as interesting conversation pieces.  Actually the complaints might even turn into conversations of their own; it's likely you'll be having these conversations with other AA employees, or someone who knows an AA employee and can relate a little.  But then you'll realize you complain about your job and the rules, and the fashions, and the new-trust-fund-highly-impressionable-young-girl employees, more than you talk about anything of value.  And you'll start to annoy other people.  And then yourself. But you just can't stop.  Then, as you look down at the hideous "preppy sexy" American Apparel clothes somebody in "LA" told you to put on, you realize: you are UNcool.  Not to mention, miserable.

But there's hope!  Most likely, you were a cool person upon being hired as an American Apparel employee. And you can still be a cool person who works for American Apparel.  Just remember: don't fuck over the people who are actually cool - the people that know how to wear American Apparel, and clothes in general - the people who have your back and bring in customers and are actually what's good about that company - the people that are mature and are comfortable with the reasons why they're there.  You don't have to try and convince yourself that you're ok with how the company's run.
You just gotta stop complaining so much...or get the hell out, fast. It's the only way to keep yourself sane.

This post is dedicated to all the cool people that I had the amazing opportunity to work with at American Apparel.

suck it, American Apparel